I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
