I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
