You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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