oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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