hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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