I didn't shave. On purpose
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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