At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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