i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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