Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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