i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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