he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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