I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i dont even know how to be here
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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