Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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