oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
