Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
