with your own penis?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Found your dick twin last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
