life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize