We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
