Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
