Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize