she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
