she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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