I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize