It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize