I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
