At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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