Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
