Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
