I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
