Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
