dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
