He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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