News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
