if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
