mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
