It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
