Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
