God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
