YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm like, not good at living.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
