Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
