I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize