Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
