He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
