So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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