i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Randomize
