Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
