i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
