she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
