So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
