Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
