Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize