Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
