awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
