when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
