I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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