I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
