Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
