upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
