Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
