he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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