Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
