I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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