I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
