guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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