I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
