tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was born a porn star she said
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
