It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
