just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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