he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
