remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're using joints as your birthday candles
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize