Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
