Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
