About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
